wax-flower asked: I'm almost 17. How do I stop being so afraid of the future? How do I get over someone I never realized I had feelings for? I am scared of not making it, mentally and physically. I'm also scared of not finding love and happiness. When I marry, I want to marry once only. Do you think there is really someone out there for everyone or are some people meant to be alone? I don't need someone, but it is lovely.. to experience being a teenager and my time is almost up. I want to be a kid again..
Don’t worry, you’re still a kid. And you can see for yourself that being a teenager isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But it’s a sad commentary on our society when remaining a child seems a better option than growing up. Does a sapling fear becoming a mighty tree? Or a cub becoming a lion? Growing up brings great strength, insight, and tremendous love, if you don’t become intoxicated by societal delusions.
First you must let go of your preferences, or at least hold them very loosely. The whole “I want to marry only once” thing is pretty arbitrary and all it is doing is putting unnecessary pressure on you. Instead, how about just focus on finding someone you actually love? People aren’t meant to be with each other nor are they meant to be alone. It’s up to us.
Love and happiness is not found. When you feel love and you feel happiness, where do you feel it? You feel it in yourself, of course. Even though you feel as though it is a response to some external condition, the actual experience of love and happiness is in you, not in those things.
Therefore, before seeking love and happiness from others, find it within. Then everything changes. Right now you have a mentality of emotional poverty. There is fear of not having enough, of not making it, of not getting what you want. Once you find love and happiness within as your very Being, then it flips. Then you are abundance itself. You don’t seek love and happiness from the world, you give it to the world simply because you are overflowing.
Daily meditation and tonglen will definitely help you. Most of this pain you are experiencing is the natural happiness of youth being eclipsed by societal conditioning. That’s why you think you want to be a kid again, you want to be free and happy and loving. That has nothing to do with age and everything to do with sanity. If you can take up meditation and learn a bit about what is happening to you, you will be able to thrive instead of fear and suffer as you grow older.
Two books that will change everything for you are The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Namaste sis :) Much love